Lincolnshire, to the untrained eye (or rather, the uninformed Southerner like myself), is often dismissed as a vast, pancake-like expanse of nothingness. The kind of place where a small hill could be mistaken for a geographical event, and where the horizon allegedly stretches into infinity, interrupted only by the occasional bemused cow.
But here’s the thing: Lincolnshire isn’t flat. Not really. Not if you’ve ever tried cycling up one of its deceivingly brutal inclines, or driven through the Wolds in a car that isn’t quite sure if it’s up to the task. No, Lincolnshire seems flat because people have only ever seen the fens and, quite frankly, made some lazy assumptions. Let’s unravel this topographical injustice, once and for all.
Blame the Fens
The root of Lincolnshire’s “flat” reputation lies in the Fens, that sprawling, marshy landscape where the land is indeed flatter than a pub pint the morning after. It’s the kind of place that gives the impression that if you put a marble down, it would roll forever, possibly making it to the Wash before anyone noticed.
But the Fens are just a part of Lincolnshire. You wouldn’t describe Wales as “all valleys” just because you saw one particularly impressive dip in Snowdonia. Yet, for some reason, Lincolnshire gets entirely defined by its flattest bit.
The Wolds: Lincolnshire’s Very Own Mountains (Sort Of)
The Lincolnshire Wolds, for those who have never ventured further than the A1, are a rolling, undulating landscape that has successfully hidden itself from cartographers, geographers, and—apparently—the entire national consciousness. These aren’t just gentle rises, either. The Wolds boast some spectacular inclines, the kind that make cyclists question their life choices and lorry drivers slightly nervous.
Ever tried walking up Steep Hill in Lincoln? That’s not just a clever name—it’s the Everest of the East Midlands. If Lincolnshire were truly flat, Steep Hill would be called something else, like “Gently Sloping Hill” or “A Bit of a Rise.” But it isn’t. It’s STEEP, and it’s in LINCOLNSHIRE. Case closed.
Historical Flat Slander
Lincolnshire’s undeserved reputation for flatness may also be due to a simple lack of interest from the rest of the country. Unlike Yorkshire, which never stops telling people how dramatic its landscape is, Lincolnshire has remained oddly humble. It hasn’t gone out of its way to promote its hidden valleys, rolling fields, or stunning hilltop views, and as a result, people assume it’s featureless.
Or worse, they confuse it with Norfolk, which is mostly flat. And frankly, as an adopted Lincolnshire Yellowbelly, that’s just insulting.
Why It Matters
Being labelled “flat” carries implications. It suggests dullness, an absence of character, a landscape so uninspiring that even clouds might think twice before stopping by. But Lincolnshire is not dull. It is a land of quiet beauty, unexpected gradients, and scenic surprises.
So, the next time someone dismisses Lincolnshire as flat, send them up Steep Hill on a windy day and see how flat they think it is then.
Dwight Warner is the quintessential oddball Brit, with a weirdly American-sounding name, who has a knack for turning the mundane into the extraordinary. Hailing originally from London, now living in the sleepy depths of Lincolnshire but claiming an allegiance to the absurd, Dwight has perfected the art of finding the surreal in real life. Whether it’s a spirited rant about the philosophical implications of queueing or a deep dive into why tea tastes better in a mug older than you, his blogs blur the line between the abstract and the everyday.
With an irreverent wit and a penchant for tangents that somehow come full circle, Dwight Warner doesn’t just write; he performs on the page. His humour is both sharp and delightfully nonsensical, like Monty Python met your nosiest neighbour and they decided to co-write a diary.
Known for being gregarious, Dwight is the life of any (real or metaphorical) party, whether he’s deconstructing the existential crisis of mismatched socks or sharing his inexplicable theories about why pigeons are secretly running the economy.
A larger-than-life personality with a laugh as loud as his opinions, Dwight Warner invites readers to step into a world where everything’s slightly askew—and that’s exactly how he likes it.
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