Sociology Gone Wild: Theories So Bizarre They Might Actually Explain Everything

1. Phrenology: Measuring Morals One Bump at a Time

Phrenology, once the life coach of 19th-century pseudoscience, was the belief that the shape of your skull could reveal everything about you—from your aptitude for needlework to your likelihood of becoming a highwayman.

Franz Joseph Gall believed the brain was composed of “organs” controlling specific traits like benevolence, destructiveness, and… love of children (weirdly specific). If one of these was particularly well-developed, it would create a bump in your skull. Hence: your skull = a topographic map of your soul.

How it spiralled: By the mid-1800s, phrenology had become the BuzzFeed quiz of the Victorian age. People got “readings” done to determine the best career paths and potential romantic matches. Think Tinder meets skull fondling.

Sociological absurdity rating: 10/10. It made eugenics seem like a wellness trend.

2. Symbolic Interactionism: Schrödinger’s Zebra

Coined by George Herbert Mead and brought to the mainstream by Herbert Blumer, symbolic interactionism argues that people act based on the meanings things have for them—and those meanings come from social interaction.

So far, so sensible. But at its extreme, it means nothing exists until we all agree it does. Like zebras. Or gender. Or the fact that trousers are supposed to go on your legs and not your head.

Take the zebra example: Philosopher Ian Hacking once used symbolic interactionism to point out that, by this logic, a zebra isn’t a zebra unless it’s socially recognised as one. So if society collectively forgot what a zebra is, zebras would become… stripy donkeys? Mythical beasts? Expensive designer dogs?

Implications: A tiger can identify as a zebra if it really commits to the stripes and joins the right WhatsApp group.

Sociological absurdity rating: 9/10. Useful at dinner parties, questionable when crossing a savannah.

3. Social Darwinism: The Theory That Launched a Thousand Colonial Guilt Trips

You know a theory is bonkers when it starts with Darwin and ends with: “Therefore, rich white men are the pinnacle of human evolution.”

Social Darwinism, most closely associated with Herbert Spencer, took natural selection and applied it to social structures—except poorly. It argued that those at the top of the social hierarchy were there because they were the “fittest,” and the poor were just losing the evolutionary game.

Used to justify: Colonialism, capitalism, racism, imperial tea sets, and your great-great-uncle Gerald’s belief that wealth equals moral superiority.

Unintended comedy: The rich were said to be “naturally superior,” even if they were inbred aristocrats who thought spoons were for stabbing cheese.

Sociological absurdity rating: 11/10. Basically weaponised Darwin to explain why Jeffrey owns a yacht and Susan works three jobs.

4. The Sociology of Smell: Olfactory Class Warfare

Enter olfactory sociology, where smell is no longer a sensory experience but a social minefield. Scholars like Constance Classen argue that odour is culturally constructed and historically loaded.

In medieval Europe, good Christians were thought to smell like flowers, while non-believers were accused of stinking like sulphur (helpful if you needed a theological excuse to avoid bathing).

Modern extensions: Your office microwave fish is no longer just antisocial—it’s a statement of cultural defiance.

Cultural twist: In Japan, body odour is taboo and deodorant is a social duty. In France, natural scent is part of joie de vivre. In British secondary schools, it’s a mix of Lynx Africa and despair.

Sociological absurdity rating: 8/10. Makes every bus ride a sociological case study.

5. Merton’s Strain Theory: The Anarchy in Your Shopping Trolley

Robert Merton’s Strain Theory says that deviance happens when there’s a disconnect between society’s goals (money, success, shiny things) and the means available to achieve them (education, legal employment, not starting an Etsy shop for crystal healing spoons).

In other words: when the rules don’t work for you, you make your own.

Modes of adaptation:

• Conformist: Works hard, follows the rules. Eats lentils out of Tupperware.
• Innovator: Wants the dream but skips the rules. Probably selling crypto.
• Ritualist: Follows the rules but forgot why. Likely works in HR.
• Retreatist: Gives up entirely. Living in a yurt.
• Rebel: Starts a commune and a zine.

Modern spin: Shoplifting from Tesco = symbolic rejection of capitalist oppression. TikTok dances = rebellion against wage labour (…maybe).

Sociological absurdity rating: 7/10. Sounds deep until you realise it explains everything and nothing simultaneously.

6. Postmodernism: Academic Nihilism with Better Typography

Postmodernism isn’t really a theory—it’s a refusal to have one. It tells us that reality is fragmented, truth is relative, and nothing means anything except what we pretend it does. Basically, it’s the sociology version of that one mate who questions everything until you can’t remember how breathing works.

Key features:

• Disdain for grand narratives
• Everything is a social construct
• Irony as a survival tactic

Used to explain: Why 90s adverts were weird. Why memes are postmodern poetry. Why your dissertation got a 2:1 even though it had 87 footnotes and made your supervisor cry.

Sociological absurdity rating: 10/10. Like arguing with a mirror that keeps changing shape.

7. The Looking-Glass Selfie

Charles Horton Cooley came up with the Looking-Glass Self, which says our self-concept develops from how we think others perceive us. We imagine how we appear to others, imagine their judgement, and then modify ourselves accordingly.

Translation in the age of Instagram: You’re not really you until someone validates it with a heart emoji and a fire reaction.

Modern crisis: Did I enjoy brunch, or did I only enjoy the idea of looking like I enjoyed brunch? Is that me, or just my face in Valencia filter?

Sociological absurdity rating: 8/10. Existential dread wrapped in a selfie.

Sociology, You Strange and Beautiful Beast

Bizarre sociological theories remind us that humans will intellectualise anything—skulls, smells, zebras, and TikTok. And that’s exactly why we love this field. It’s ridiculous. It’s clever. And sometimes, it’s accidentally brilliant.

So next time you smell someone weird on the tube, or question if your reflection is really you, remember: somewhere, a sociologist is writing a paper about it.