James Martin does not cook—he wages war on arteries. Watching him in action is like witnessing a man possessed by a dairy-based deity, one whose only commandment is “Thou shalt add more butter.”
For years, the beloved Yorkshire chef has graced our screens, charming the nation with his laid-back approach to cooking and his absolute refusal to acknowledge that butter is meant to be used in moderation. To James Martin, moderation is for the weak. Butter is not an ingredient; it is the foundation of civilisation itself.
But how did we get here? Why is James Martin so devoted to using truly alarming amounts of butter? Is it a branding decision? A personal challenge? Or does he simply know something about dairy that the rest of us don’t?
Let’s investigate.
A Man, A Plan, A Block of Butter
It all began innocently enough. James Martin, like any respectable chef, knew that butter makes everything taste better. A little in your mashed potatoes, a bit to finish off a sauce—fair enough.
Then something shifted.
Somewhere along the line, a small knob of butter became half a block, and half a block became an entire dairy farm’s output for the week. Dishes that could have survived perfectly well with a tablespoon of butter were now being drowned in it, glistening pools of golden excess covering every available surface. Is James a secret agent working for Lurpak?
A James Martin recipe does not ask if you’d like to add butter. It asks how much you’re willing to risk. I honestly once saw him put an entire block in a recipe for one croissant. One.
The Evidence: A Buttery Crime Scene
Let’s look at just a few of the incidents that confirm James Martin’s butter obsession:
- The “Just a Little Butter” Incident – While making scrambled eggs on Saturday Kitchen, James reached for the butter and casually lobbed in half a pack. The studio audience gasped. The eggs wept in cholesterol-based fear.
- The Roast Potato Scandal – Many chefs swear by a bit of duck fat for the perfect crispy spud. James Martin, an agent of chaos, suggests roasting them in nothing but butter. That’s not roasting, James. That’s deep frying in pure dairy.
- The “Everything Needs a Butter Glaze” Theory – Bread? Butter glaze. Steak? Butter glaze. Vegetables? Boil them, drain them, then butter-glaze them like you’re polishing a luxury car.
- The “Drink Your Butter” Moment – James Martin has openly recommended stirring butter into coffee. This is no longer cooking. This is alchemy.
- The Time He Fried a Sandwich… in Butter – In perhaps his most unapologetically James Martin moment, he once fried a sandwich in butter, then buttered the outside for good measure. At this point, I suspect he bathes in the stuff.
Why Is He Like This?
So what drives a man to this level of dairy-based debauchery? A few theories:
1. He’s a Yorkshireman, and Yorkshiremen Fear No Calories
- Anyone from Yorkshire will tell you that food is not about nutrition; it’s about pleasure and fortification against the cold northern winds.
- Yorkshire puddings? Better with butter.
- Pie and mash? Needs a bit of butter on top, love.
- Tea? Would probably be improved with butter.
James Martin simply took the natural Yorkshire philosophy and turned it up to 11.
2. He’s Rebelling Against Clean Eating Trends
- In an age of avocado smoothies and quinoa air salads, James Martin stands alone, a warrior for the old ways.
- While others count macros, James measures butter in bricks.
- When other chefs drizzle olive oil, James is building a butter-based swimming pool.
3. It’s a Statement Against the French
- James trained in France, where butter is worshipped but still used with a degree of restraint.
- Perhaps, after years of French culinary discipline, he snapped and declared, “You think you lot love butter? Watch this.”
- And now, here we are.
The Real Question: Is He Actually… Right?
For all the shocked gasps and Twitter outrage, let’s be honest: his food always looks incredible.
- Have you ever had butter-soaked roast potatoes? Life-changing.
- Steak finished with a slab of butter melting into it? Transcendent.
- A sandwich fried in butter? Who among us hasn’t at least been tempted?
The truth is, James Martin’s reckless abandon with butter isn’t insanity. It’s commitment to flavour above all else. He knows that deep down, we all want to live in a world where butter is limitless and consequences don’t exist.
Is There Such a Thing as Too Much Butter?
James Martin does not ask himself this question. He knows the answer.
It’s no.
And whether you’re horrified or deeply impressed by his approach, one thing is certain: he’s having a far better time than the people eating plain grilled chicken and pretending they enjoy it.
So the next time you see James Martin casually dropping half a block of butter into a pan while laughing in the face of medical science, take a moment to admire the sheer audacity.
And then, do as James would do.
Add more butter.
James Henshaw is a brooding Geordie export who swapped the industrial grit of Newcastle for the peculiar calm of Lincolnshire—though he’s yet to fully trust the flatness. With a mind as sharp as a stiletto and a penchant for science-tinged musings, James blends the surreal with the everyday, crafting blogs that feel like the lovechild of a physics textbook and a fever dream.
Equally at home dissecting the absurdities of modern life as he is explaining quantum theory with alarming metaphors, James writes with the wit of someone who knows too much and the irreverence of someone who doesn’t care. His posts are infused with a dark humour that dares you to laugh at the strange, the inexplicable, and the occasionally terrifying truths of the universe—whether it’s the unnerving accuracy of Alexa or the existential menace of wasps.
A figure of mystery with a slightly unsettling edge, James is the sort of bloke who’d explain the meaning of life over a pint, but only after a dramatic pause long enough to make you question your own existence. His wit cuts deep, his insights are sharp, and his ability to make the surreal feel strangely plausible keeps readers coming back for more.
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