There are few certainties in life: death, taxes, and the eternal frustration of USB cables. These unassuming little connectors—so essential, yet so infuriating—have an uncanny ability to turn even the most composed individual into a muttering, frustrated mess.
You’d think something designed for universal use (it’s in the name, after all) would be straightforward. But no, USB cables are a riddle wrapped in a mystery, tucked into that drawer where random chargers and ancient phone cords go to die.
The Three-Way Two-Way Insertion Problem
Let’s start with the most baffling aspect of USB cables: their defiance of logic when being plugged in. They’re designed to fit in one way, but you’ll inevitably try at least three times to get it right.
First attempt: doesn’t fit.
Flip it. Second attempt: still doesn’t fit.
Flip it back to the original position: magically fits.
What sorcery is this? Are USB ports secretly quantum devices, existing in multiple states until observed? Or is this some kind of cosmic joke designed to keep us humble?
The Drawer of Mystery
Every household has a USB cable drawer. A tangled, anxiety-inducing nest of connectors of varying lengths, thicknesses, and purposes, all of which you’re afraid to throw away because what if?
You’ve got old mini-USB cables from gadgets you don’t even own anymore. There are Micro-USB cords whose origins are as mysterious as the Bermuda Triangle. And, of course, the infamous USB-C cables, which look so similar to one another that you’re constantly gambling on whether one will actually work.
And let’s not forget the ones you’re sure belong to something important, even if you’ve no idea what. Some have proprietary ends that might as well be hieroglyphs. Others seem to have no identifiable function at all. Yet there they remain, tangled in their digital purgatory, waiting for a purpose.
Why Are There So Many?
For something as universal as USB, you’d think we’d have reached a level of standardisation by now. Instead, we’re plagued by endless variations. There’s USB-A, USB-B, USB-C, Micro-USB, Mini-USB—and don’t even get me started on Apple’s Lightning cables. It’s as though every manufacturer got together and decided, “Let’s make sure no one ever uses the wrong cable by flooding the market with incompatible options.”
The result? You end up buying a new cable every time you get a new device, despite owning roughly 800 already. It’s a racket, plain and simple.
The Eternal Mystery
The mystique of USB cables lies in their ability to simultaneously be everywhere and nowhere. You always seem to have too many, yet somehow never the one you need. The one time you actually require a specific cable—for an old hard drive, say—it’s mysteriously vanished, replaced by a tangle of unusable impostors.
And yet, we hold onto them. Because in a world of uncertainty, one thing remains constant: the USB cable. A maddening, illogical, and utterly indispensable relic of our increasingly digital lives.
So the next time you’re battling a cable that won’t plug in, take solace in this: it’s not you—it’s the cables. They’re playing their part in the grand, chaotic theatre of modern technology, reminding us that even the simplest tools can be inexplicably, gloriously complicated.
James Henshaw is a brooding Geordie export who swapped the industrial grit of Newcastle for the peculiar calm of Lincolnshire—though he’s yet to fully trust the flatness. With a mind as sharp as a stiletto and a penchant for science-tinged musings, James blends the surreal with the everyday, crafting blogs that feel like the lovechild of a physics textbook and a fever dream.
Equally at home dissecting the absurdities of modern life as he is explaining quantum theory with alarming metaphors, James writes with the wit of someone who knows too much and the irreverence of someone who doesn’t care. His posts are infused with a dark humour that dares you to laugh at the strange, the inexplicable, and the occasionally terrifying truths of the universe—whether it’s the unnerving accuracy of Alexa or the existential menace of wasps.
A figure of mystery with a slightly unsettling edge, James is the sort of bloke who’d explain the meaning of life over a pint, but only after a dramatic pause long enough to make you question your own existence. His wit cuts deep, his insights are sharp, and his ability to make the surreal feel strangely plausible keeps readers coming back for more.
Discover more from untypicable
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.