LinkedIn has become the modern arena for professional posturing, where job titles are exaggerated, skills are over-endorsed, and every minor achievement is framed as a groundbreaking success. But what if historical figures had LinkedIn profiles? Would Julius Caesar boast about his “Visionary Leadership in Crisis Management”? Would Cleopatra list “Luxury Brand and Political Strategy Specialist” under her job titles?

This essay explores what some of history’s most famous figures might have looked like on the world’s most pretentious job-hunting platform, ranking them in chronological order.

The LinkedIn Profiles of Historical Greats

Julius Caesar – CEO, Roman Empire

Julius Caesar was the ultimate empire-builder, skilled in political maneuvering and military conquest. His LinkedIn profile would undoubtedly be filled with endorsements from his legions and glowing recommendations—until the Ides of March. His headline would declare him as a “Visionary Leader with Experience in Military Strategy, Governance, and Empire Expansion.” One could imagine a post proudly announcing, “Exciting developments in Rome! Just crossed the Rubicon—big things ahead!” Unfortunately, Brutus likely left a passive-aggressive comment soon after.

Cleopatra – Influencer & Brand Ambassador

A master of both political and romantic alliances, Cleopatra would position herself as an expert in diplomacy and fashion. With a headline like “Luxury Lifestyle Expert | Trendsetter | Political Powerhouse,” her posts would promote the latest trends in Egyptian fashion and self-promotion. Endorsed by both Julius Caesar and Mark Antony, her ability to hold power through charisma and intelligence would make her a sought-after speaker for high-level networking groups such as “Women in Power” and “Mediterranean Rulers.”

Genghis Khan – Global Expansion Specialist

As the most effective conqueror in history, Genghis Khan’s LinkedIn profile would exude confidence. His headline, “Empire Builder | Military Innovator | Strategic Genius,” would be backed by an impressive portfolio of territorial acquisitions. His posts would focus on leadership strategies, networking (by force, if necessary), and the importance of uniting diverse groups under a common vision. With endorsements from the Mongol Army and numerous terrified enemies, his influence on global trade and military tactics would make him the ideal keynote speaker for “People Who Have Conquered More Than Half the World.”

Leonardo da Vinci – Multidisciplinary Innovator & Thought Leader

A true Renaissance polymath, Leonardo da Vinci’s LinkedIn profile would list an overwhelming number of job titles—artist, engineer, scientist, and inventor, to name a few. His headline would boast, “Artist | Engineer | Futurist | Visionary,” while his posts would showcase intricate sketches of inventions centuries ahead of their time. Endorsed by the Medici family and Mona Lisa (unconfirmed), he would be a highly sought-after connection in the “Renaissance Thinkers” group.

Henry VIII – HR Specialist & Marital Strategy Consultant

Henry VIII’s profile would be filled with job restructuring expertise—except in this case, the “restructuring” applied to both his wives and the Church of England. With a headline like “Six-time Husband | Problem-solving Monarch | Experienced in Church Restructuring,” his endorsements would be spotty at best. His posts would include updates on legal changes and occasional cryptic status updates like, “Thinking about restructuring the church… for reasons. Stay tuned!”

Marie Antoinette – Luxury Brand Ambassador & Crisis Management Expert

Marie Antoinette’s LinkedIn would be a masterclass in misplaced optimism. Her headline, “Royal Trendsetter | Public Relations Nightmare | Cake Enthusiast,” would fit well with posts promoting extravagant Versailles fashion trends. However, her poor grasp of economic realities might be reflected in a final post reading, “Excited to unveil Versailles’ latest fashion line! Nothing says power like silk, jewels, and not worrying about bread shortages.” Her endorsements would come from French aristocracy—until 1789, when they’d all mysteriously disappear.

Napoleon Bonaparte – Military Strategist & Leadership Consultant

Napoleon’s profile would be the epitome of ambition, with a headline reading “Small but Mighty Leader | Tactical Genius | Expansion Enthusiast.” His endorsements would include the French Army, though Europe would eventually retract theirs. His posts would detail his journey from military officer to Emperor, punctuated with bold declarations like “Just promoted myself to Emperor! Hard work and vision pay off. #Leadership #Goals.” However, his final status update may have been posted from exile on Saint Helena.

What This Tells Us About LinkedIn Culture

LinkedIn has become the modern equivalent of a royal court, where people try to present their best selves while downplaying scandals and failures. Just like historical figures, professionals today exaggerate achievements, network for personal gain, and carefully curate their online personas. If history teaches us anything, it’s that powerful figures would have used LinkedIn much like we do today—to brag, posture, and collect endorsements from people they barely know.

Would You Connect with These Historical Figures?

Would you accept a LinkedIn request from Napoleon? Would you endorse Genghis Khan for “Global Expansion”? Perhaps history isn’t so different from the present—ambition, networking, and self-promotion have always been part of success. If nothing else, this proves that some things—like career posturing—never change.

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Kerry Freeman

Born and raised in Sheffield, Kerry Freeman is an unrepentant tea addict, cat enthusiast, and lifelong expert in the art of looking busy while doing the bare minimum. By day, she works as a minion in a government department (no, not one of the cute yellow ones with dungarees). By night, she brings her wicked sense of humour to untypicable.co.uk as an occasional contributor, where she fearlessly tackles life’s nonsense with sharp wit, historical references, and the occasional inappropriate joke.

Kerry has no children (by choice, obviously), but she does have a cat, which is basically the same thing but with more attitude and fewer school runs. When she’s not writing, you’ll probably find her at a historical re-enactment, enthusiastically pretending she’s living in another century—preferably one with fewer emails and better hats.

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